PATTERNS

… about not seeing the forest from the trees

In my last post, I was wondering about change and who we really are. For me, change always has a positive connotation. When I think about change occurring to us, us becoming who we are, we are always walking down the path to become our greater selves. And that is just how life should be. 

Now I have to admit, that while living in my dreamworld, in which every living, breathing being is striving for the best they have to offer, I do get hit in the face with a shovel ever so often. And the fun part is, that it surprises me just as much, every time it happens. 🙂 Live and learn, huh? Apparently not for me…

So, let’s see what is happening! Do you know your colleague, who is working so hard, but he cannot get ahead because everybody’s stealing his good ideas? The neighbour who is always so nice to you, but talks sh*t about all other neighbours behind their backs? The friend who always tries so hard to bond with others, but all these b*tches are always only out there to f*ck her over? Well… We have some very well defined patterns in front of us, in which we all willingly or subconsciously blend in. I still talk to my neighbour every time he stops me, although I do not necessarily approve his behaviour. Why? Because it’s a social norm to be nice to your neighbour. I still nod, when my friend tells me her stories of how the whole world is against her. Why? Because poor thing really just cannot catch a break… etc… And on we go with our lives and some things we agree to accept. Like hopscotch. You see one, you know exactly how to hop your way through it. 

In his book “What do you say after you say hello?” Eric Berne states based on his research, that we all have our life scripts, which we finish writing for ourselves by early childhood. Now this is really scary news! Think about it. Based on how your early years were, you have already decided to be the best there is out there, or to just roll over everybody and show them who’s who! Good news is (whew…), that this script can be changed by improvising. Do I always make a specific choice, which always leads me down the rabbit hole? Well, one day I might just say I choose the opposite. We can intervene in life, whenever we see, that our script is leading us to failure.

“The stubborn listens nobody’s advice and becomes a victim of his own delusions”

- AESOP

And here, I go back to my “hopscotch” relationships. The ones that are every now and then showing me the back side of the shovel. When you suddenly wake up that you’re on the receiving end of their patterns. You are the b*tch, who is out to ruin her. Why? Because instead of nodding, you say “It can’t be, that everybody has a bone to pick with you. Maybe you should just be nicer?”. The play is ruined due to your improv. You become the bad guy and they usually send some “messenger” to tell you you’re off the play. Sounds familiar?

So when faced with persons, who follow a script that does not lead to a happy ending, do we improv until we get a nosebleed hoping that we have an influence on their story? Or just live and let live and hope, that one day they stop throwing punches and see, that everybody is walking around with a nosebleed. I know there is a third option, but I am too naive to say it out loud and I keep hoping, that at their core, all people are good. 🙂

© 2021 Albert Erika. All rights reserved.
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